I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize