girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
