There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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