hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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