Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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