I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
