were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
