i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
