There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
