I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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