I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
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That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
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If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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