I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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