JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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