I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
