I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
