Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
