just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
