Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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