dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Send help, water and tortillas.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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