i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
