I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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