Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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