I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
