How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
