There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
