So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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