I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
