I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
