so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
