I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
