I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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