My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
