i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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