Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
