even my farts smell like vagina
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
