Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize