I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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