I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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