she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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