I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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