I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
