New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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