I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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