theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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