next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
