it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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