Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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