Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
