my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
