1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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