I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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