tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
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I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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