HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
