it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
