Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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