i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
