It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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