How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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