I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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