my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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